since young, i never thought much about this word. but as i grew older, i started to think how under-rated this word was. like how this cny has given me a totally different perspective. most of those who are still reading my blog should know that i went to sweden on exchange and missed last yrs cny. so this year was somewhat special for me. or should i say i didnt know how much i missed my extended family members esp those from my maternal side. like my aunties, uncles and cousins. because i haven seen them for 2 years? since the cny in 2007. and how some have moved on in their lives. working, studying or getting married. i realised i got so much to ask them. and it made me think how important 'family' is to me. how i wish cny occured every week. in this way, i will get to see everyone each and every single week.

study or work? not an easy decision. im sorry to those whom i will let down if i choose to further my studies. because i promised to go travelling with them after i grad. i feel really bad. it might seem insignificant to others. but i never want to let anyone down if i can choose.

been trying to type out something but nothing seems to come out. i have got friends who have encountered problems in their lives. eg. someone whose hopes of going overseas to study diminished becoz of financial difficulties. another 2 who have had problems in their love lives. its times like these that i hope i can be of help to them. dunno what i can do to help. hope that they will get some solution to their problems soon. and guess what? i am planning a trip to taiwan next april. yeah man! if only all of us could have gone as well. oh well.

5 more months down the road. and i will be graduating soon. tough times ahead for me. i really wonder what the future holds for me. it hasnt been an easy path these few years. smu has been tough. been trying very hard to cope.

anyway, to those who are still reading my blog, im having my holis now. yeah man! the feeling of waking up and not having work to think about is damn shiok! sometimes i wake up and think that im still in sweden. haha. i miss having dinners with miche, eugene, zee, eileen, amanda, chianhui and the hk ppl. how i wish i could go back to those times again.

oh well. let me let you in about something about me. i have been in the smu basketball team for the past 3 years. putting in my best everytime for training. people telling me how well and committed im when i defend. f*** la. guess what? i think my playing time the past few competitions is less than 5mins. i know i cannot attack as well if u wanna put it that way. but u expect someone who hasnt been gaining match experience and then has to play well the moment he enters the court? and then give me 30 sec to prove myself. f***. show me how u do it. even the good players need time to adpat when playing. so all i ask for is some playing time. sometimes i wonder if this is all worth it. 3 years down the road. and all i have achieved or rather accumulated are smu basketball jerseys. sunig could be the last competition that im gg to take part in. becoz i feel that i have given all i can but it has not been reciprocated. i dun care that im in the basketball team if i dun even get to play.

sometimes i just dun understand whats up in the minds of others. i mean. whats up with waking up earlier for a trip? an hr, half hour. omfg. even balling is taking a toll on me. learning to play better ball to get into the sch team. to excel at something i thought i was good at. but i just cannot do it.  there are just periods when u just need some time alone. this is it.

it has been 4 mths since i came to jonkoping. i remember myself feeling really homesick and sad when i first arrived. from having to cook my own meals to not being able to play ball with my friends on mondays. but its a totally different feeling altogether now.  jonkoping  already feels like my second home. accustomed to wearing thicker clothing when i go out and deciding what to cook for dinner. the after-dinner talking cock and mahjonging sessions are my favs. the walk across the railway track to the bus stop and the carrying of the uper-heavy ikea bags home i will always remember. the have-to-act-blur-becoz-we-didnt-pay train rides.classics;) haha. i dunno how to summarise all that i have gone thru here but i must say that it has been nothing short of magical. given a choice, i will still come back here for exchange, meet all the friends (gf michelle, eugene, ziling, eileen, amanda, qianhui) i have made becoz this wldnt have been the same without all of them. all these memories will stay with me forever.

omg. i got the match tickets for the liverpool v reading game. for all of u out there who dont know, it has been my childhood dream to be able to watch a match at Anfield. i finally got them!!! no words cannot describe how i feel. i waited how long to realise this dream. remember watching the first cl league final btw liverpool v milan. i teared when they won and the fans started singing the famous anfield anthem 'you will never walk alone'. like seriously. so getting these match tickets mean the world to me. damn happy! and guess what? my darling's going with me. and she mentioned that shes going to see if im gg to cry. shittt. i dun think i will la. maybe just a few tears. i hope the trip goes well=)

i remember this 'wedding' that i attended when i was still a little kid. was walking down the aisle with this other lady. cant really rem how she looks like now. but i was wearing a bow tie and suspenders. that was the first time i had lipstick on. and she was wearing a pretty white dress and holding a bouquet of flowers. haha. dun laugh at me. it was really cute then.i cant rem what event it was for but it certainly left a deep impression on me. 

kindergarten was just an excuse for me to play with the other kids after school. haha. rem playing pepsi-cola 1-2-3, police and thieves, 5 stones, and doing the slides at the playground. i still rem the names of some of the kids i used to play with. dorothy, terence, angela, yvonne. and also the names of the parents. auntie sally, auntie dorine. my mum will sit around with the other mummies and they will talk all day long. and me? i will be happily playing with the other kids, wishing i had more time for another round of police and thieves.

and this i will always remember. i was in pri sch then and sch just ended. i was supposed to take the sch bus home. but greedy me went to buy some tidbits and i missed the bus. having spent the last few cents of my pocket money, i walked home. i think i must have taken more than 2-3 hours. guess what? my mum standing at the place i always alighted. she must have been worried then because i recall her tearing then.

i dunno if my mum knows abt this. haha. but i rem renting bicycles near my pri sch and riding them after class ended. of coz i didnt cycle alone. still rem the names of those i cycled with. alvin, kaiting, junyong, yicai, qi yi. its surprising how these names can still pop out of my head. it must have been ages since i last talked this. and there was this once. i had a bad fall. and blood was oozing frm the wounds on my legs. silly me washed my legs and then used my hankerchief to constantly clean off the blood. soooo. my hanky was soaked in blood by the time i reached home. my mum almost went crazy after she saw my hanky. hahahah.

this happened when i was 15 i think. was playing lazer mania with my sec friends at east coast park. this stupid guy broke my 2 front teeth with his gun. i rem walking along the streets to the dentist with the fragments of my teeth in my hands. there was no more blood then. and i saw my mum with my aunties. silly me didnt want to worry my mum and so i just walked past her without acknowledging her. when i got back home that night, i saw my mum crying. and so i explained everything to her. and she smiled. haha. i still remember how relieved she was when she heard what i had to say. 

watching popeye, tom and jerry, cinderalla, beauty and the beasts. i still remember how popeye will gobble the spinach and his muslces will pop out one by one. lol. cant rem the big fat guy thou. and also the forever thin olive. haha. my mum will then come walking by. and then say ' du shu le' =)

those were the days.